Crate & Barrel Giveth, and Crate & Barrel Taketh Away

We've been married for nearly three years and so far we've broken one glass cheese plate, four red wine glasses and one three-tiered server.

The Orion cheese plate, which by the way, I LOVED as no one has loved a cheese plate before, was essentially in throes of discontinuation as our engagement came to a close. We broke the cheese plate in the first couple months following the wedding and despite some frantic searching on Amazon, Crate and Barrel Outlet and eBay (hey, 2001), I couldn't replace it. I loved it, did I mention that?

Wine glasses break. This is to be expected. It's why we picked a basic balloon glass, the Jordan, instead of the Mikasa Celebration glasses I was THIS close to registering for. We replaced one around our first anniversary and also bought a back up at a the same time for the next break. You would think it would be us dropping them or guests at one of our wild (wild, I tell you!) parties getting too wild, but no, it's the dishwasher that breaks them. And it's not even the running of the dishwasher, it's us unloading the glasses from the dishwasher that has caused all four breaks. Boring...Anyway, following two recent breaks we're due for some new replacements and back-ups.

Recently we broke the Tripoli Server*, a three-tiered party tray, which has become an the absolute linchpin of all celebratory events at our house. And also an excuse to make at least three kinds of baked goods. Dog's adopt-a-versary? Crank out some cupcakes, mini-donuts, and iced sugar cookies! Impromptu Ocktoberfest in March? Make some mini-apple pies, snickerdoodles and outrageous brownies. You must fill all three tiers! Fortunately, Crate & Barrel is still proffering this particular item.

Thank goodness because I had a meltdown today when I discovered C&B has discontinued my red wine balloons. Son of a...I lived with mismatched wine glasses from every winery north of Richmond for too long to tolerate two separate breeds of wine glass in my house. GIVE ME MY JORDAN BALLOON GLASSES. How is this possible. It was the ONLY balloon they sold. They are repelling a whole demographic of wine glass users (also known as wine drinkers). What were they thinking? This cannot be good for business.

Following a tearful (ok, not really. Though I'm incapable of dealing with change, I'm not quite that bad) phone call to [Husband] to inform him that we could no longer entertain groups of more than 10 red wine drinkers at once, I started Googling.

I don't mess around when I Google. If I can't find it on the internets, it's not there. Purple polka dot staws? Gummy candy shaped like pickles? Your ex-boyfriend's ex-girlfriend's webshots account from 7 years ago? I am your girl. Not to brag, but someone who's internet stalking abilities I great admire once told me I taught her everything she knows about Googling.

Through my internet search prowess, I was able to uncover the truth (like Scully & Mulder!). It seems C&B played a dirty trick on me. After careful study of product reviews and a in-depth analysis of online photos, it appears my Jordan Balloon Glass has simply been re branded as the Brim Balloon Glass.

On the left, the REAL Jordan Balloon Glass (28 oz). On the right, left most of the three glasses,the Brim Balloon glass. Also 28 oz. Do these look the same to you? I'm still suspicious, but I'm willing to investigate in person.

So the moral here, you might think, is: Don't get all worked up about material shit, yadda yadda. But actually it's: While Crate & Barrel (or your wedding guests) may giveth, and Crate & Barrel may taketh away, if you will just wait a hot second and not get so worked up, you will probably find that they just re-branded that product you're looking for.^

 *Yeah, I know the actual names of all these things. I lovingly crafted our registery and I have a brain for arcane trivia. What?
^Although this is most certainly not the case for my cheese plate. That's just discontinued and I'm still bitter about it.